Toronto FC’s New Grub Review

Toronto Sun- Those attending Friday night’s home opener against Sporting KC will have their choice of 10 new menu items:

“Soccer fans are very different,” Zielinski added.

With the TFC soccer season upon the city, and as a guy who has never missed a playoff run by the “Reds.” I felt it was only my duty to give a quick review of the new grub that is being cooked up down at BMO. The review is simple and each new item will have a quick ranking out of ten. Have I personally tried any of these? No. But what does it matter, people just look at the presentation of food before picking anyways.

Crispy Buffalo Chicken Sandwich


Love this move. I’m actually kinda stunned that this hasn’t been already introduced. The buffalo chicken sandwich is perfect for when you don’t want a burger, and it’s got the spice and zing of a chicken burger without the plainness. A bit of a bonus, is also if your on some diet or workout “clean eating” bullshit, you can eat this without feeling guilty.


Black Bean and Salsa Burger


Ummmm….what on earth? Look. Some of the best advice Dwight Schrute ever gave, and learned was “keep it simple stupid.” Which is what you have to do when doing burgers. You have to keep it simple. This just looks gross…just an awful presentation. Plus the only time I want black beans and salsa on my food is when it’s either in a burrito or on some fire nachos.


Italian Dipped Beef


I…don’t even know what this is. It appears to be some sort of knockoff cheese-steak without the cheese and instead crammed with veggies. If the sauce is decent this seems edible. I mean this is just an attempt at a fancy roast-beef sandwich. Not really the best idea for a guy sitting in the stands.


Hot and Sticky Chicken


This. Looks. FIRE!

Honestly I’m pumped at this right here. It’s the best of Chinese/Vietnamese finger foods. It already reminds me of awesome takeout you get one every couple of months. If your picking a finger food…you have to go with this over the fries. But as a man of class, these better come with a fork, because I hate sauce on my fingers when your baking in the sun. It’s the top five most rattling feelings on the planet.


Roast Beef Cheddar Poutine


This is what happens when you try to reinvent the wheel. You cause a car wreck of an idea. Here we have people taking something everyone loves in poutine, and deciding to turn it into some KFC mash bowl of a meal. Why ruin a classic Canadian snack, with of all things roast beef. Like whose this dude down at the MLSE thinking roast beef is good on everything? Like what is this? I knocked this score down a point also, just because I’m going to spend minutes picking this apart to make it a regular poutine.


Pork Belly Banh Mi


Brilliant idea by the guy who pushed for this. Anyone whose had Vietnamese food knows that this sandwich is just awesome. It’s basically the hoagie of Vietnam. If you’re in the mood for a sandwich at the game, just trust me and order this. It’s that simple.


Chickpea and Tahini Wrap


Alright…I assume that this is something vegan? So if your that asshole who feels like he needs to announce this to the stadium, and don’t have your bullhorn on you. Just go up and fire one of these bad boys up. Because that’s the only explanation I have for creating a food option so irresponsible like this.


Chicharron Fries


Are fires boring? What is it with this theme of throwing just random stuff on fries. I have no idea what this is. It looks like chicken, cheese, and salsa on fries. Maybe that’s good? Seems alright. I’m beginning to wonder if there’s like a ketchup or gravy shortage I should know about.


Jumbo Pretzel

I’m not reviewing this. If you don’t know what a pretzel is, I want to know how you logged onto this computer and found this website.


Loaded Porchetta


Ah, here we go. A classic Italian sandwich option. For anyone who loves pulled pork, this is the next best thing. This is a great option, especially during a night game. Porchetta is always a bit more fatty tasting, but is probably the best sandwich option if you’re not feeling chicken that day.


Well there you have it people, your new 2017 food options at BMO for the TFC. If there is anything I decided on while writing this review for you, it’s that you soccer fans are so damn weird that these are actually options in the first place. Just grab a beer and hotdog like the rest of human civilization when at the game.


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