Jesus Montero still finding ways to never touch a MLB field


Blue Jays Triple-A first baseman Jesus Montero has been slapped with a fifty game suspension after testing positive for a banned stimulant, the league announced. Montero was once a hyped prospect, but has been trying unsuccessfully to revive his career in recent years.

Man. This guy. This…guy is actually something else.

Everyone has certain people in their past that they’ll never forget. For some people its a school-yard bully who savagly ruined their adolescence. Even for the bully themselves, its the popular girl in school who punted you to the curb after the first weekend of university because she found a bigger, faster, stronger, and not peaked yet version of yourself. But if your Jack Zduriencik however, nobody haunts your dreams like Jesus Montero.

You make a deal with Brian Cashman giving away an injured flamethrower in Michael Pineda, thinking your getting the “Gary Sanchez” of the Mariners. But instead you get a Montero who decides to try the “Orson Welles” offseason nutrional program. Then, after spending a year buried in the minors. He gives the controversial “eat right, workout” plan a go…and shows up to spring training lookin like twigy. But after still not producing gets designated for assignment, then claimed by the Jays who give the guy another shot. What’s amazing now. Is that in the season and a half that he plays with the Jays, he actually begins to play very well in Buffalo. But of course, Jesus can’t help himself. He has to find a way to blow this all up, and gets himself banned 50 for the stimulants.

Like…if your Montero you can be mad at yourself. Knowing that once again you have blown another oppurtunity to be in the show. But seriously. How mad are you if your Jack Zduriencik. Your out there pounding the pavement knocking on doors, just throwing your resume in around the league and this guy just will not leave you alone. Just popping up with another headline year after year. Honestly at this point, just become the MLB network version of Steve Mariucci. Bring up some of your good moves in your career. But just laugh and laugh about moves like the Montero on air and cry about them (and him) at home.


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